Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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