Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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