I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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