Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
