moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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