I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize