went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
