Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
