it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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