explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize