My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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