you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
