i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
