32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize