I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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