You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
