Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
two words...techno handjob
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
