I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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