just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
