the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
