worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The power of my boobs compel you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
