i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
