He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
