respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
