im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
