I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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