so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
