I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
