i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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