his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
