Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
