I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
