Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
