Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
