It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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