Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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