Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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