just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
