GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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