My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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