She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
