i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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