so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
