Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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