I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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