I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
