Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
