she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
false alarm, still single
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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