too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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