We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
