I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
