Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
