so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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