i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
