so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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