just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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