tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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