you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
