I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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