so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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