dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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