remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
