I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
