Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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