Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize