You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
