Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
