On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
