Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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