you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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