We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
