so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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