So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize