She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
