Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
