when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
