So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
