I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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