No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
