Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
