I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
