how can u be prego again
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
soo... how was my night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
