now i know why i became what i already was.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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