if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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