Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
